I hope you all survived your Turkey Day food comas! As promised I wanted to highlight some of the many changes that I have noticed from the baby blogger I was two years ago before I let this gem go. Looking back at this time was a very therapeutic experience as I was able to see how I've grown, where I have remained, and where I want to go!
I was a talker. I had begun to find my voice, which can be seen in some of my earlier posts. I knew I had a voice and I wanted to use it in my art, my studies, and my style. I had an opinion about everything and I was not afraid to use or share it. The setback at that time was I had issues with politics, social issues, artwork, my dance department, etc, BUT I did not always have solutions. I had not learned how to step back and look at the full picture yet.
This is definitely a part of me that I miss and am working to get back. Because I was in college, I felt like there was nothing but opportunities. I was fortunate enough to not have to worry about paying bills, tuition, or feeding myself. My only worries were becoming a better dancer and getting good grades. I had time to dream of dancing for the Beyonce's of the world. I dreamed that I could work for major publications, while also having a clothing line and a record deal in the works. I believed I could do it all and I worked towards it all. This is one of the main reasons I want to blog again. I want to get that Devin back.
I worried all the time. Everything that I allowed myself to dream about, I also worried about. This section could be a post in itself. Looking back I worried about finding a job (Have a GREAT job that allows me to travel and dance and plan events that I could never imagine), I worried about dancing after school (I dance 7 days a week and have multiple opportunities), and I worried about being a part of communities that I fought for to no avail (realized my worth and turning down the areas that treat me as less than). Everything that baby Dev worried about has come full circle and has helped me realize that everything will always be okay.
Without going into detail (I'll save that for a later post). I used to be someone who had not experienced life in the ways that I have now. I've made dances about sex positivity, Black Lives Matter-ing, and a truly broken heart. These are ideas and experiences that I would never be able to share on a stage in the ways that I have so recently. I used to be somewhat of a robot when it came to sensitivity and emotion, but now I am slowly working towards becoming a feeler. I cry every once in a while and I empathize with others. I started to trust people more openly and share my emotions with the world. Now I'll be honest, this has had some setbacks and hurt me a few times. All in all, I wouldn't go back to how I used to be.
Tying it together:
Don't worry about the future and don't cry over the past. Your journey is just that. A journey. It will have its ups and certainly its downs, but in the end you will always be able to look back and say you're further than where you used to be. Let's all continue to grow, progress, and build.
Stay Gold Ponyboy <3